Another modest proposal

It has been brought forth that we have a problem within our university grounds. this issue revolves around the excess queues in our dining establishments and the overcrowding of our recreation/ athletic facilities. In an effort to combat such grievances, our resolution must be all encompassing, yet swift.

First, in addressing the long lines in the dining halls, it will be necessary to institute the “booby prize” style of food servings. To ensure timely turn-overs in the eateries, all meals for any individual will be no longer dictated by free-will, but rather by use of the “Mystery Wheel,” in which meal-goers spin the giant wheel and will be presented with whatever the wheel has predestined them for. In justification of using this wheel, one can simply state that since god made man and man’s ability to reason, thus being able to decide his/her choice of meal—it can be equally said of the Mystery Wheel—it too was made by god, and thusly, will yield the same outcome as man’s ability to rationally reason. Also, 1/3 of the wheel will yield “No meal for the day.”

At such facilities as the CRC, there are about 200 to 300 patrons within its walls at any given moment. The result is basic: overcrowding. This issue will be resolved in the most appropriate method possible. The issue at the center of overcrowding is the appeal of the facilities itself. To rectify this, we must simply make the CRC less appealing. With the sponsorship of the Washington Zoo, the CRC will unleash several wild animals into the building. With the increased danger and peril of life, the problem of overcrowding will soon take care of itself. Imagine a weight room with only three individuals using the equipment, and five others defend themselves in a corner while fighting for their lives against a ill-tempered mountain lion, perhaps even a puma. Long wait at the basketball courts—no longer an issue with the wild boars crashing about the courts. Too many slow people getting in your way on the track, maybe a couple jaguars will make them run a little fast--- but watch out, the track is still a circle, so you don’t want to run too fast. And finally, who wouldn’t enjoy less people at the sneakers café smoothie place—well, when its overrun with monkeys, that’s just what you’ll get. Come for the smoothie, run away crying and being pelted with bananas!

And thusly, this is my modest proposal.

The Fuck Europe Tour 2k6.... part I

so here's the plot: four guys on a vacation to europe.


as far as our planning skills go, we were trying to fly into London via US air. Flying standby, we nearly boarded a plan to amsterdam and "use our cunning" to find a way to London once over there. Luckily, we got on the plane, and didnt have to deal with determining-- "whats the shortest and cheapest way from amsterdam to london"

just about to board the airplane, which one, we weren't sure


-----------Act II- Where the Sun Don't Shine----------
....f*k cold showers

throughout the trip, we kept notes of what we did each day. unfortunately, i thought we should name each day. thusly, we never came to a consensus as to what each day would be titled. in brackets we have nicks suggestions and in paranthesis, we kept addys. but just cause i can, i dont think i'll share nicks ideas... they all revolve around butts...



we made it to london, and rode some fancy train more extravagent than our airplane into victoria station


once we got to our hostel, we are greeted by creepy writing on the wall...



and then nick and addy had the brilliant idea of taking a two hour nap at 2 in the afternoon.... 5 hours later we woke up and met our new roommate...


the irishman, owen, may or may not have ever existed. we could have made him up, as no one else around would make contact with him, although he would split up with us and come back three hours later with some wacky story about a drunk fighting navy man and some english lowlives or some dames

this place was called waxy oconners, or i called it for the trip... shanty mcgintys

So this is piccadilly, pretty much like time square, but less obnoxious


oh yeah, the night ended when nick smashed his lamp and glass fell into addys bed... i think their was dancing after that.

-----------Act III- Did somebody break a window--------
f*k museums

that morning somebody working for the hostel comes running it: just checking to see if you broke your window... prolly cause of nick breaking his lamp last night and the ensuing screaming and laughing

this would be the natural history museum, thought we would get cultured




then switched over to the science museum



never have a learned so little from a museum



but the pretty wall of lights was fairly entertaining

and the information booth provided interesting photo ops

addy and nick--portrait of hitmen


and this is my ipod commercial


you'd be very suprized how hard those phones are to work


still in the picadilly area, we look around the neighborhood


and apparently this nation really likes ice age 2
later that night we found a casino: the royal nugget, and became official members. actually, nick found it somehow. it was all fun and games till i lost money.
addy: i got the fever
asad: i hope ur happy nick, addys got the fever!

at 4.30am we decided to rename the tag line for the day to f*k owen, because of his damn snoring that kept us all up... despite all of us yelling at him to "shut his goddamn mouth"

-----------Act IV- Big Ben, 5 oclock--------

us at coventry gardens


with im as our tour guide during his brief three hour layover before he went to italy with abby



for the rest of the day we decided to be tourists at Leister Square


maybe we shouldnt have posed with the horses butt facing us



we enjoyed climbing onto their monuments


the trafalgar lion



being that theirs only three of us at this point in the trip, its quite difficult for the group shots

unless u photoshop them together



and just a shot of the entire area



while walking we stumbled onto this really large field, and then a place called white hall.



and then out of nowhere, big ben popped up.


and pictures ensued




keep in mind, this goddamn place next to the thames river is freezing




and then somehow we wandered into westminster abby, without payin the cathedral cover

and like all outings in london, we ended up at a tea place



and then we looked sketchy as we made our way through some park...


-----------Act V- Confusion is an art---------
fk contemporary art


and now our first full english breakfast-- me with a giant pot of tea, and the boys with actual food


god, we are such tourists

we found a pirate ship... not sure how or why.... but we did
and yes that is a deers head on the front of the ship

and then in the middle we finally met up with dano, and we to the other side of town... we were having the hardest time finding the damn riverside.... how is that even possible, the river in freakin huge


half the statues in this city make no sense



and then something exciting happened on the right

thats the globe theatre behind...

me and dano are far more awesome in pictures



welcome to the tate modern art museum, where what you call misc crap-tastic- we call art-tastic!


holy crap we're lost in a maze of white cubes


we had to change rooms cause of the addition of dano into the group... luckily this room didnt have heat-- but it did have a hole in the window!


-----------Act VI- Poorly coordinated scabs--------
fk consciousness

because of the extreme cold in the room-- we hibernated for 14 hours that night, when we woke up... it was 4 oclock pm... and it was night again

















so dano had seen a mysterous egg shaped building on an aerial map of london. with that as our guide, we set off...

we came to sommerset courtyard, where there was an icerink




























and we laughed as the people fell down... seriously, we spent too long doing that.

continuing on...














"so the river is on our right, so we just have to keep going.... straight"




















i think hour three of the journey, we came to st james cathedral... the white dots in the picture, thats freezing rain

"take my picture, i'll look like a giant infront of this tiny door"



















and somehow we came upon the tower of london.


behold... hour four....


the egg shaped building.... is simply a freaking office building.
the highlight of the evening came when dano got the casino fever and decided to loose his money is an unprecendentedly awful two hand run at blackjack. why is this funny? bc i told him not to play.

anyways, so long picadilly. we left the next morning to barcelona