Friday, March 31, 2006

'i see no changes,' congress kiks it oldschool

what do I know about politics? not a whole lot, but what i do know is funny, and I know a whole lot about that.

so theres this congresswoman name Cynthia McKinney. apparently shes just an awesome source for hilarity. 1.) She punched a cop in some sort of case of mistaken identity... which then lead to the cop pressing charges. and now they issued a warrant after her. thats pretty hard core for a congress woman.

BUT look at this-- this is the bill she is trying to get passed. and let me tell you. it is by far the greatest bill of all time. everyone should call their representative and tell them to BACK thIS BILL!

Thats right, "Title: To provide for the expeditious disclosure of records relevant to the life and death of Tupac Amaru Shakur."

SHE WANTS answers to the IMPORTANT questions! Forget all this talk about WAR, foreign trade, internation crisies... no, she wants to know What Happened to 2Pac! and she won't stop until she finds em.

just to further clarify also, this bill is ONTOP of the same bill she tried to pass last year... atleast she's persistent. but better watch out Mr Speaker of the house. She might clock you in the face if u mess with her. [damn shes so much more hardcore than hillary!]

on, another note, heres a headline from yesterday's washington post:

Brain Development and Intelligence Linked, Study Says

in related news: Consumption of Alcohol linked to GEttiNG drunk; Possibility of Questionable Hookups connection still uncertain.

thats all,

play the game of soccer brendan

i finally figured it out. it took 3 and a 1/2 years - and numerous season, to realize why the brinsleys soccer team can't win a game-- except for a few exceptions here and there. then it hit me last night during our 'game'.

we scrimaged last night again the team which had to forfeit bc they didnt have enough people. just for fun we played, and me and jon joined their team to balance it out.

the REASON the brinsley have lost SO many games is pretty simple... its not that we lack skill, which we might; its not that we lack communication, we prolly do; its not that we lack any sense of team coordination, definately true--- the reason is this...

we are such Idiots and Jerks on the field, that it fuels the other teams dedication to beating us! As a team we are such an annoyance towards the game of soccer that other teams are simply under the mindset-- 'Theres no way in hell we can loose to the asses!"

SO-- what can we do to change this?! not a damn thing, and who would want to, because there will come a day when we will win again, and the loosing team will shamefully depart the field saying to themselves "I can't believe we lost to those bunch of imbeciles". as we circle the field for our victory lap trying to tackle eachother...

it'll be sweet, just u wait.

Monday, March 13, 2006

nostalgia hits like a line drive into the balls

i once knew a girl
we would frequent museums
and expensive restaurants
talk of art, politics
and cultures of the world
and other subjects i had no interest in.

to me she was the greatest of post modern works
no matter how long i would stare
she would still make no sense to me

[po-mo art sux! :p]

Friday, March 10, 2006

dangerously close to home although still completely unnewsworthy

in other less obvious new: 'Scientists say "SUN VERY HOT", almost equivalent to FIRE'
one scientist quotes 'just think of fire, really, and multiply that by fire as well, and then you might be close to just how hot the sun is. oh and the moon.... thats not a giant cookie in the sky"

the article tries to redeem itself with numbers and statistics, but lets call horses, horses. isn't that how the saying goes. either way, the washington times should be man enough to admit when they are having a slow newsday. I know i fess up when i have a slow news day.

speaking of wonky-ass sayings, "the teapot calling the kettle black." what the hell does that really mean? i understand that its supposed to deal with hipocracy and whatnot. but the subjuct matter needs to be explained to me:
1.) why is the teapot talking to the kettle in the first place?
2.) why doesn't the kettle know its black
3.) if the kettle knows its black, why is the teapot being a lil bitch
4.) my kettle is white-- how does that effect the saying?

switching gears if you would

Seeing the white light-- first sign not enough blood is going into the visual center of the brain

so, you know how they say that in a life threating moment, ur life flashes before your eyes. yeah. they are idiots. i wanna meet the guy who originally said that and punched him in his multi-thought oriented brain.

in what i can and only want to describe as my "too many 400m sprint-induced mini heart pain," and not be to confused with a heart attack, experience last week, i now know what one would think of in a such a situation:

you don't think of anything. you think to yourself, " holy crap, this really hurts! this is the worst way to die, owwie!" and then ur done.

anti-climatic: hell yea.
wonderful montage of all happy experience in life: [explitive deleted]

that pretty much wraps up another post.

oh, also: the dinning hall lady ate my poptart, or atleast a small part of it-- which is still TOO damn much for anybody to have out of MY poptart.

Friday, March 03, 2006

one sentence book reviews...

...of books i've never read.

Lord of the Rings set: if i wanted to blow my brains out during the movie, then the books suicide central.

daVinci Code: Reminds me of what happened when we saw the Mona Lisa at the Louve-
Me: I don't get it, she distinctly looks like she's smiling...
Older man viewing painting: You see, at different angles, it changes.
Me (goes to different angle): Nope, still smiling.
Man: Move over to this angle, how about now?
Me: Now she's really smiling!
Man: ok, fine, nevermind.
Me: Maybe if i tilt my head this way.
Man: No, stop that, that won't do anything.
Me: I think she's giving me the finger now!!*

Life of Pi: Tiger + Snake + Boy + Small Boat = hilarity.

Beyond Good and Evil: Dissappointing read compared to the videogame.

Dante's Inferno: Hell is bad and the devil is a sucker for ironic torments for eternity.

The Fountainhead: read the phonebook, it will take u less time.

*items in italics MAY or may not have occurred

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Fuck Europe Tour 2k6.... part II

----------Act VI- planes, trains and automobiles---------
...f*k life jackets

next morning, we took every type of transportation minus steam ship to get into barcelona.

planes trains and automobiles

the airport we left from was like a freaking mall.

so we passed the time playin at the ol casino and eating lots of food.

on the airplane, me and nick kept busy with cards and music

addy and dano enjoyed the champaign on the plane...
which led them to take life jackets...
which led to the airport security stopping us once we landed...
which led to us being in the country for 5 minutes and already we're criminals

empty streets in a strange city

at first glance, this place was really pretty

went down by the freezing cold docks

apparently, something exciting happened to the left

after a while of being outside at midnight, we realized that this part of town was really sketchy, as judging by the number of people selling either beer or drugs, or the transexual hooker, or the dude who hit on nick...

strange town, this barcelona

and of course, the room-
which was smaller than our four person room, yet housed 8 this time.

cabin fever ensued,
there were no survivors