Saturday, November 26, 2005

winning hearts and bribing minds

so everyone has their own way to gauge how their day will turn out. well, atleast i think its common for people to do that. either way is, i do that, and if others dont, there is something seriously wrong with them-- not me.

so my gauge is the little display on the hot water machine at the dining hall-- i look at it whenever i make my tea. its usually near 200 degrees, if not exactly on it.the range is 198 to 202 degrees. if its not 200, its usually a bad sign. the greater the variation, the more likely it is i will run back to my room and baracade myself in there until i send someone else downstairs to read the gauge again.

this mornings reading: 175 degrees--- translation: "piano falling on your head" threat at code: Super HOT PINK

i made my tea and got the hell to cover and stayed there for the better part of the day.
i got some courage and went down to check the gauge again

this evenings reading: 85 degrees--- translation: "spontaneous combustion" threat at code: EXPLODE!

its not safe out there anymore. so be sure to check out my revised security system for Mental Stability.

Friday, November 25, 2005

the general state of ohio

first off, happy turkey day. the fact that its almost winter makes me confused and beligerent. but that will prolly be another rant all together.

why the ohio newspaper sucks: this was their headline on the front page- "Shoppers hit stores during Thanksgiving Weekend."

..... aren't shoppers the only people who would hit the stores during anytime. i mean, the only other group would be robbers, but thats obvious.... and also a separate article all together. don't worry, the lack of adequate reporting is made up for by an abundance of snow.

in national news....
This man is my hero. Apparently this guy in Reno stole $200,000 worth in legos. being both a slight thief and a major lego fan, even I do not see the purpose of the stealing so many legos! does it start off as a guy stealing a few small boxes of legos at a time, then just looses track until his house is filled with them? OR is it more like ocean's 11, where this guy who really loves legos assembles a crack team to pull of the heist, and everyone gets a cut. like a casino job gone horribly wrong.

either way, the world is desparately needing better heists. implement 'the great xbox360 caper of christmas 2k5' or the less popular 'the poorly thought out nintendo64 heist of thanksgiving 2k5'


Friday, November 18, 2005

thanksgiving with the extend family equals asad needs to brush up on todays politics

i have no political humor.

thusly, changing this post's title to :

--Japanese superiority clashes with Japanese tendacies to loose robots in outerspace--

New game, Sudoku, or something japanese that roughly translates into "how to keep an idiot busy, flip over" is sweeping everyone. in dc you got people with whole books on em and everyone on campus doing em. i'll admit, its a fun game, but its just one of those things that the japanese think they can control us with.

they failed their first attempt: those robotic dogs.

but moving on to those robots lost in outer space,
JAXA- the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency announced the robot it sent to a nearby astroid circling the sun has been lost. Scientists say it was a miscalculation in the tragetory. I say they cant fess up to the fact that it was a bad idea combining the Robotic Dog and the Sudoku game in an attempt to say to the world- Hey Look, our dog can fly into outerspace AND solve these silly puzzles quicker than anyone!

panda warfare: least threatening war possible

have you ever spent an hour watching a panda sleeping? with no shame, i admit i have, thanks to the Panda Cam. i wish he'd do something else besides sleep. someone toss in a chimp in there and lets see what happens.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

another prophecy yielded accurate

i told you jerks that robots would take over campus before we graduated, but nooooo, everyone just laughed. whos laughing now, huh? Carnegie Mellon's not laughing anymore!

luckily, there is only man that can stop these robots....

Timmy the UK monkey!

expect the next decade of ur life to look like this:

Friday, November 11, 2005

local bear gains political savy:

mocks former dictator with devastating accuracy

Sunday, November 06, 2005

how asad are you

a quiz if you will to determine how asad are you:

1.) your in class and some kid is being a jerk. do you:
a.) tell him to shut the hell up
b.) try to ignore him
c.) throw cherios at his head until he thinks he's going crazy

2.) the biggest travesty occured when:
a.) bills lost every superbowl ever
b.) alf never made it back to melmac
c.) Giant decided to stock only krispee kreme donuts instead of making them fresh inhouse

3.) things that have one time or another held up your pants include:
a.) regular belt
b.) string belt made from multicolored yarn
c.) bungie-chords from a friend
d.) all of the above

4.) while walking alone, late at nite on campus, your mentality is:
a.) try not to get mugged
b.) stay away from sketchy looking people
c.) look as sketchy as possible and start having an argument with yourself
d.) no ones gonna mug you if you mug someone else first
e.) both c & d

5.) Bad life decisions include:
a.) going drink for drink using ten cans of hawaiian punch
b.) trying to see how fast you can use the very large paper cutter
c.) continuing to drive home when you are 90 % sure your breaks stopped working 5 minutes ago
d.) all of the above

6.) Your attitude towards cats can be best described as:
a.) those guys are cute
b.) smartest animal on the face of the earth
c.) the only thing keeping me from dive tackling that cat is the memory of how funny garfield used to be. but now its not funny anymore, what happened there? and i didnt see the movie, but i guess it had Jennifer Love Hewitt, so maybe garfields on the comeback.

7.) Things you used to say, but no longer can after meeting someone with the specified ailment:
a.) "...maybe its a tumor"
b.) "...maybe its diabetes (pronounced die-a-beat-us)"
c.) "...maybe its cancer"
d.) all of the above

8.) Dissappointing life lessons learnt the hard way:
a.) there is only a small segment of the population that actually enjoys Jackie Chan movies as much as I do
b.) being 'conductive' in terms of electricity is NOT a good thing
c.) an attack dog does not have the capacity to understand the pyschology involved in a game of 'chicken'
d.) all of the above

9.) Exciting life lessons learnt the hard way:
a.) Thumbs do grow back
b.) spray paint to the eyes does not lead to permanent damage
c.) walk around with a cane for a week, you get lots of free stuff
d.) all of the above

10.) i wanted to have an even number of questions, but i ran out of steam... if was pressed to make a question, it'd have to be along the lines of breakfast cereal mascots versus justices of the supreme court... witty yet politically insightful. ah yes, it would be a hell of question indeed

so score yourself out of 9 (or 10 if u somehow found an actual question in number 10), the answers should be fairly obvious [all answers are the last choice], and that percentage will tell u...

How Asad Are You?

and yes, i'm mighty full of myself these days, but its ok-- if i'm aware of it, its not a bad thing anymore.