Friday, October 21, 2005


life being a tv, its about time for the halloween special. the one where things go pretty normal until something really off the wall happens-- like crazy puppets come to life or some sort of zombie invasion-- but, its a sitcom see, so everything works out fine in the end, or if it doesnt, it doesnt matter, its a halloween special, it doesnt need to make sense with the rest of the season. bottom line, do what u want on halloween, cause there will be no consequences to the rest of ur life and everything will be back to normal the next episode-- also, there will never be a reference to the events that occured on halloween. the thanksgiving day special, thats a whole different ballgame....

as far as actual halloween is concerned, my costume will be whatever will allow me to draw strange markings all over my body with a sharpie. after the ink poisoning settles, it will be clear sailing.

concerning spooktoberfest, the highly anticipated sequel to last years rocktoberfest, and whether it will happen or not? like most decisions we make, it will probably last minute and decided over a cup of tea.

get ur scary outfits ready, no stupid costumes allowed.
advice for the girls: a costume is not an everyday person or thing combined with the prefix 'sexy.' i mean, u can dress slutty if you want, u just cant call it a costume. now being a zombie, that takes some gaul!
advice for the guys: stop dressing up like girls. its weird and makes everyone sad. and stop putting beer boxes on ur head-- it was cool the first time someone did that in the 60's, when they first started making cardboard boxes (?) after that it has been annoying and fairly detrimental to society in general. not that recycling is a better solution...

more acceptable halloween costumes include:
-the loveable storm trooper
-bill cosby

thats all

Friday, October 14, 2005

pugsatony phil has no say in this

bc a birthday is too important a day to be left up to chance, i say that everyone has the right to change their bday at some point in their life. that day is today, well, it was yesterday actually- so yesterday was the day. for you, it will probably be a different day.

summer has been a good time for my previous bdays, but now to spice it up, i say it will be 5 months earlier and now February 24th. so long snow cones and hello snow balls.

keep in mind that no change of age will come with this bday, only snow and presents...

and now a quick list of top worst presents:

-tire iron

-a regular iron

-Sleuth vhs
despite what the cast of characters may lead u to believe, its really just two guys on screen for 2.5 hrs

-the even less popular sleuth board game-- which also involves only two players and still lasts 2.5 hrs

-and lastly, but just as equally important, wicker furniture-- which is usually remedied by use of the tire iron.

i'm not a doctor but i play one in real life

so my medical philosophy is pretty simple and revolves around water. when anything goes wrong with ur body, its can be cured by drinking more water. flaws in this logic, maybe a few. holes in reasoning, i don't know, i'm not a doctor. all i know is that when ur feeling sick, what are you gonna do-- say no to more water. thats right, u just gotta go with it. and bam, ur on ur way to recovery.

but right now im at work, starting to sneeze a lot. got that feeling of impending sickness-- WHICH i whole-heartedily am blaming on my floor which has the combined immune system of a 80 yr old hobo. so in response to me feeling slightly sluggish, I have been drinking excessive water.

and by excessive, i mean ridiculous amounts. i have a pretty standard size water bottle next to me. i've already had to refill it 5 times, and its only noon. i don't feel so good.... and i think the water is to blame. its the same feeling u get when someone punches u in the stomach but they never removed their fist. damn my lack of a proper medical degree.

in the event i do get sick, heres my plan:

wait till the people who are sick now get better.

slowly fester my germs so i get incredibly contagious

and then respread the germs back around.

it'll be brilliant.